Ask a man: Do men have fat days?

James Rocca | June 17, 2011 | Comments (0)

(Have a question about men that keeps you up at night? We’ll find some dude to respond weekly.)

Dear Ask a man:

I have a special area of my closet dedicated to fat clothes. My friends know when  I show up with a black top and dark jeans, that I’m having a fat day. I hate fat days. Do guys have fat days?

- Hating Fat Days


Dear HFD,

The other day I went shopping for jeans. Knowing that I’ve been blessed with a keen sartorial sense, my girlfriend came with me. It’s a little game we play: I say, I’m going to buy some jeans. She says, I’ll come with you. I’ll say, You don’t have to. She’s says, No, I want to (which we both know to mean: I need to. This is what keeps a relationship strong, by the way).

I know what I like and made a bee-line for the nearest supplier of my favored Dakotas (because, as you will agree, cost is everything).   On this particular day, my waistline had not changed an inch from either the previous day or the previous visit to my local jeans retailer a year before.  My mind, however, had determined that a horrendous change had indeed occurred. Dear readers, I, a male, and not a very large one at that, was feeling rather stout (you can think “fat”, I don’t have to write it).

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: men have fat days. Lots of them. Oh, we don’t call them that because saying such things even in regard to oneself would be unsportsmanlike. Instead we say we are bloated, feeling portly, need to work out, or just drank too much beer the night before (which is the nicer version of bloated). We are somewhat overweight, paunchy, rotund. We are never “fat!” OMG!

So there I was feeling a spectacular need to work out as I picked up my alleged size and one size above, just in case.  I first tried on the bigger pair, which felt roomy and billowed a bit, kind of like a flag in a light breeze. Nice, thought I. No, said she.
Back in I went and squeezed into the “my size” jeans. They felt tight around the hips, and I could definitely see a bit of stomach protrusion over the belt when I looked at myself sideways.

No way, said I. Perfect, said she.

We don’t look at ourselves with the same eye that others do, women or men.  But we all have the same insecurities about our looks.  Maybe that’s what partners are for; they help us see beyond ourselves. And even men need to be told they are “perfect” once in awhile (even if only to reinforce a belief they already hold).

And it’s not just the vain among us who worry about a growing waistline. Here are two quotes attributed to very smart people:

“I guess I don’t so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.”

“The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.”

The first is allegedly from Ben Franklin and the second from Albert Einstein. Who knew?

Tags: appearance, ask, ask a man, men

Category: Ask a Man

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