Fairness is a fairy tale for women in business
Becky Sheetz-Runkle is a business author, speaker, strategic marketer and educator. She’s an engaging speaker for corporations, academia, and women’s business groups. She speaks on Sun Tzu’s strategy with business groups of men and women. She wrote Sun Tzu for Women: The Art of War for Winning in Business and maintains a blog Sun Tzu Strategies where this post first appeared on October 9, 2012.
Somehow, somewhere, somebody got the idea that life is supposed to be fair. And they must have told a whole lot of other people. Because today lots and lots of somebodies are espousing fairness. President Obama talks about a “fair shot,” and, less frequently, a “fair share.” But my advice for most women in business is this: begin with the idea that it’s not going to be fair. If you refuse to accept this premise and are out to change the world and bring about equity, that’s terrific. I wish you well. Those of us fortunate enough to have been raised in democracies gravitate to the ideal of equity and fairness. And we should. But we must also come to terms with the realities of our circumstances and ourselves. Once we accept this, and set about to turn perceived disadvantages to advantages, we’ll save ourselves a lot of frustration.
Here’s a real life illustration of the fairness fairy tale:
I recently spoke to a women’s group based on Sun Tzu for Women. A partner in a law firm raised a question that is on the minds of many women. This woman, let’s call her Mary, works very hard. She’s clearly passionate, talented and exceptional. But she isn’t able to keep up with the men in her office and it’s gnawing at her every day.
See, she has small children and a husband who works. Her two male partners in the firm also have children—and stay-at-home wives. As the primary caretaker in her household, she says she can’t keep up with her partners. Mary is plagued daily with the reality that she’s falling behind. A recent Guardian piece highlights new research on the accumulation of small, inherent biases against women in science that hinder their advancements. It says:
Biologists work long hours, and the desire to have a decent work/life balance may drive many women out of the profession of their own accord. The life sciences career path is rife with short-term contracts, which also don’t help those wanting to start a family. Meanwhile, a study published in 2010 showed that women scientists shoulder on average approximately twice as many household chores as their male partners, and also bore more childcare responsibilities.
It’s not fair, is it? So what are savvy women to do about it?
Stop measuring productivity in hours
Many women cannot, or choose not to, rack up seemingly endless hours at work. We all have the same number of hours in the day, but women (and men), with significant family commitments can’t dedicate the same amount of hours as those without them. If you want to spend time with your family or at leisure, or just not working, you have to stop thinking in terms hours. If you can’t compete in hours worked, find other (smarter) ways to compete.
The length of a workday is not a measure of effectiveness. I’ve worked with many people whose behinds stayed attached to their desk chairs for very long periods of time, but that didn’t mean they produced. Unless you consider complaining about the comparatively shorter workdays of their more innovative and creative counterparts others as producing…
Instead, shift the focus to what you do have to offer that gives you a competitive edge. For Mary, she has subject matter expertise the men don’t have. And, importantly, she’s able to earn the trust of prospects and clients and relate to them on a level that’s different (and superior in many ways) to the men she works with. Mary brings uniquely feminine competitive advantages to the conference table.
Get real
What are your competitive advantages? Let’s say you’re a brilliant collaborator, but if you work in an organization that doesn’t value collaboration, your competitive advantage is wasted. Don’t waste your advantages, don’t undermine them, and don’t forget to make sure that the decision makers you work with understand the specific and unique value you bring.
You have differentiators, some of which will be uniquely feminine—such as communication, sensitivity to the needs of others, a strong gut instinct, collaboration, and more. Are you in a position where you can leverage them?
Heads down, plugging away, day after day, night after night, will get us more long hours. On its own, it won’t get us ahead.
You don’t need to accept my premise that fairness is a fairy tale. You can reject it and/or work to change it. We all have different purposes and objectives. But if you want to get ahead in the corporate world or build a successful business, I recommend that you think strategically about how you can turn perceived disadvantages to your advantage by bending the rules. Business is a game. There are winners and losers. And if you try to force yourself to play by rules that have set you up for failure, don’t be surprised when you come up very short.
Category: Career Girl
Sensible advice!
The practical advice is excellent and should be taken into account by everyone, women and men, and is the reason to have diversity in the workplace.
That said I do not agree with the statement of unfairness and also find the title somewhat misleading. There are several troublesome realities and unequal chances women face, but the abovementioned “unfairness” is not one of them. Whether you are a man or a woman, everyone deals with a trade-off and conflict to balance the limited time one has between spending time on kids and family relative to work and career.
There is nothing unfair about this, as it remains a personal choice how one chooses to spend his/her time.
The only relative “unfairness” present is in between the lines of the article. Namely, that many women struggle to balance career and family, more than men, as they suffer more from the guilt question: Is it selfish of me to choose career over family/kids.
Moreover, aside from any internal conflict / self judgement, one also faces external social pressures and the traditional stereotypical viewpoint in which the man works and the woman stays home. In todays society it is still easier for a man to justify spending less time on kids and household, than for a woman. In fact one can even say that men have a harder time justifying the choice of becoming a stay-home-dad then women. Visa versa, women have a harder time justifying choosing for their career instead of family as there are traditionally more expectations on behalf of women to be a ‘caring mother’.
It is the fixed role divisions both genders face when balancing family and career. Hence, the perceived “unfairness” stated in the article is not a matter of unequality in genders, but an issue both women and men are dealing with.
Secondly, it remains a personal choice how one balances time between kids and career, rather than a harsh reality that women face as it is portrayed in the article. Both men and women can choose not to conform to the traditional role division.
With regards to the example of “Mary” that has to deal with being able to spend less time on her career then her male counterparts: She chooses (presumably together with her husband) to spend more time on her kids, thereby sacrificing time she could otherwise spend on her career. Similarly her male counterparts choose to spend less time on their kids (possibly resulting in a less strong connection with their kids) to spend more time on their work.
That is not unfairness, that is basic economics: resource=time.
I hope I have succeeded in my attempt to provide a more nuanced view.
FYI: Yes I am a guy, but Im also from a new generation that does not feel limited by the fixed stereotypes that exist from the past.
I just stumbled upon this article via a tweet from a female friend of mine, and I felt the need to provide a more nuanced view to the matter at hand.
Falco, thank you for the terrific, thoughtful response!
Where you’ll find push back on the issue of equity is in the disproportionate amount of time women report tending to needs inside the home, compared with their male counterparts. Regardless of whether or not it’s “fair” isn’t really the point, at least not to me. It simply is, and as you well state, everyone has their trade offs. My point is that if the playing field isn’t entirely level, we need to find a way to turn those disadvantages to advantage.
You say: “it remains a personal choice how one balances time between kids and career, rather than a harsh reality that women face as it is portrayed in the article. Both men and women can choose not to conform to the traditional role division.”
Absolutely, both men and women make this decision, but overwhelming, it remains the woman’s issue. And as a woman’s business author and speaker, that is my lane. Of course, there are exceptions.
Your comments are much appreciated and hope you will continue to read. I wish you great success in your professional and personal life. You sound like the kind of guy who deserves it, regardless of the fairness and unfairness you are dealt.